Customer Onboarding Specialist

JobNimbus | I DON'T EVEN THINK THEY KNOW

Steph's Notes:

Prominently displays Glassdoor reviews at the top of their Careers page but doesn't link to their Glassdoor profile. Which of course means I have to go look!

I was only going to post the five most recent reviews, but uh:

• Great Mission, But Leadership Issues Are Holding It Back (2 stars)
• Could be SO GOOD...But Continues to get WORSE! (2 stars)
• Great from the outside but a little different on the inside... (2 stars)
• Wild Ride - Truly one of the more bizarre organizations I've worked at in my career. (1 star)
• Great Potential, But If You’re Not One of Them, Good Luck (1 star)
• Don't Do it (1 star)
• Leadership Lacks Awareness, Fosters Unwelcoming Culture for Women (1 star)

So...not great, Bob.

RESPECT coaching
Google found coaching to be the most important factor in employee satisfaction. Everyone gets RESPECT coaching here.

What...is that? I'm almost afraid of the answer.

Onsite dental, vision, stretching Feeling tight? Need a teeth cleaning? Everything blurry? Get help during your workday.

That's wild. I mean, could be fine. Could be an actual living nightmare.

This is in the Optional Perks section and y'all, I CANNOT:

Off-Roading Trips Join our CEO Ben Hodson and others to traverse hairy trails and barely make it back with your life.

What the fuck. Who actually jokes about this in a work setting? WHAT A VERY CONCERNING RED FLAG THAT IS.

Okay, let's look at a job, I guess?

We are obsessed with the hero's journey at JobNimbus. Every person has a hero's journey. Hermione Granger, James T. Kirk, Frodo Baggins, Anna & Elsa, Nacho Libre, and even YOU!

Wow...what an exciting list of white people that is. (Also, I know they're trying to joke with that last one, which just makes it all the more cringey.)

This is our “call to adventure” to come check out JobNimbus. What do you have to lose? You might make a few new friends, learn about a sick new company doing some amazing things, and maybe you’ll even land a new job!

Did an intern write this? Because it sounds like an intern wrote this.

The onboarding Specialist

How much y'all wanna bet that we get a "detail-oriented" requirement?

The onboarding specialist

Now let's bet on how many different capitalizations we'll get for this job title.

When sales gets a deal over the finish line it is up to the Onboarding Specialist to go to work!

Three.

You’ll take our customers through a baller implementation process

Oh my god, are you serious right now?

After you’ve onboarded a customer the CSM’s you assign the customer to, will be like, “Aw Dip, it seems like they were onboarded by someone with the skills of Leslie Knope. They know EVERYTHING about JobNimbus.” They will then come up with a secret new handshake whenever they see you… and everyone will be jealous.

What is happening. WHO WROTE THIS.

I am genuinely shocked that there is no "detail-oriented" statement in here. However, we do get...whatever the fuck this is:

Team Commitment. You know that moment in the Hunger Games where Katnis Everdeen shoots President Coin instead of President Snow and everyone’s head explodes? That is because she knew what was best for Panem and she was so committed she made the larger, harder decision. That is the level of commitment we need. Minus the killing of course!

Of course! BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE CRAZY, UNLIKE THIS?

Y'all, I've said what the actual fuck so many times with this JD it's lost all meaning. I don't even know what to say, except that I don't think our existing ratings quite cover this one, so I had to create a special one: Possibly Psychotic.

Note: There are some other CX jobs open at this company, including a Technical Support Manager and some Customer Success Managers. Apply at your own risk.

Original Job Description: Customer Onboarding Specialist

We are obsessed with the hero's journey at JobNimbus.  Every person has a hero's journey.  Hermione Granger, James T. Kirk, Frodo Baggins, Anna & Elsa, Nacho Libre, and even YOU!  This is our “call to adventure” to come check out JobNimbus.  What do you have to lose?  You might make a few new friends, learn about a sick new company doing some amazing things, and maybe you’ll even land a new job!

Mission:

The onboarding Specialist is focused on quickly and effectively training new JobNimbus customers on software setup and daily use in order to drive value in and early adoption of the software. The onboarding specialist will help to define, develop, and execute effective customer onboarding and engagement strategies in order to help our customers realize their business goals.

What you’ll be doing:

• When sales gets a deal over the finish line it is up to the Onboarding Specialist to go to work!  You’ll take our customers through a baller implementation process which will set up a company to succeed and love their JobNimbus experience!
• After you’ve onboarded a customer the CSM’s you assign the customer to, will be like, “Aw Dip, it seems like they were onboarded by someone with the skills of Leslie Knope. They know EVERYTHING about JobNimbus.” They will then come up with a secret new handshake whenever they see you… and everyone will be jealous.
• JobNimbus has a lot to offer. So much in fact, you’ll have to focus on helping each customer maximize the functionality, integrations, and tools that will most help them. You’ve got to avoid word vomiting how much we can do, and instead make a tailored plan for that customer to succeed out of the gate.

What makes you the hero for this job:

• Active Listener
• Experience in a customer-facing role (2 year recommended)
• Strong Communication Skills
• Experience in a SaaS business (preferred)
• Strong ability to shift priorities quickly and efficiently

Superpowers:

Customer Obsessed. In the words of Ted Lasso, “Takin’ on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse. If you’re comfortable while you’re doin’ it, you’re probably doin’ it wrong.”

Team Commitment. You know that moment in the Hunger Games where Katnis Everdeen shoots President Coin instead of President Snow and everyone’s head explodes?  That is because she knew what was best for Panem and she was so committed she made the larger, harder decision.  That is the level of commitment we need.  Minus the killing of course!

Mentor (Hit us up for the inside Scoop)

Matt Nelson - Specialist in hiring amazing people, lover of music, tennis, Ping Pong, pickleball, photography, Star Wars and recruiting.

JobNimbus is proud to be an equal opportunity / affirmative action employer. We are committed to equal opportunity regardless of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, disability, Veteran status, or other legally protected characteristics. This position may require the successful completion of a criminal background check and/or drug screen. If you have a disability or special need that requires accommodation, please let us know in the application.

If you have any questions regarding this job post, please email jobs@jobnimbus.com.