Senior Manager, CX Strategy & Operations
We've rapidly ascended through the atmosphere and are now in the cold, dead vacuum of space.
Seriously, Maybe Don't
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Customer Support Specialist (Product Expert)
I don't even remember which job I was supposed to be rating. Goddamn. Oh right, Customer Support Specialist. I'm sure this will be *fine.*
Customer Service Team Lead
A fun environment in which you have to remain calm and positive in all situations? Sure, that checks out.
Head of Global Support
I'm sorry, the fuck? You want this role to build out its own completely separate product development function to fix a product so seemingly broken that even the Engineering, Product, and Design teams don't want to deal with it anymore? ARE YOU KIDDING ME
Senior Customer Success Manager
No compensation, no mentions of benefits anywhere, no idea if it's onsite or remote, and the location is just "Usa, New York Office." Honestly, I'm not even convinced this is a real company. I'm gonna say Seriously, Maybe Don't.
Client Experience Associate
Blah blah woof woof capitalism, but a company that wants to use you to build private wealth for others but won't deign to tell you what the compensation package is is especially hypocritical and I just cannot (Farther for me, but not for thee?).
Customer Support Representative
I want you to imagine that red flag/green flag guy from Instagram just running back and forth across a field with a sea of red waving majestically behind him.
Customer Operations Lead
This role will already be leading the whole Support function, that it's not already at least a manager-level role is, frankly, absurd.
Customer Success Manager
And by "ability to work under pressure" they mean okay with slowly being crushed under the weight of expectations, inexperience, and your 300-500 accounts until you're a tiny, person-shaped material denser than osmium.
Head of Customer Support
Oh wow, how unique brightwheel is! Because most startups move like molasses and expect their people to come in and fail immediately and repeatedly.
Head of Customer Success
Nope, that's...that's the salary. That's the real salary in reality.
Customer Success Manager
Can we just acknowledge that maybe it is recklessly, unforgivably irresponsible to allow 20-somethings who appear to have no professional experience before 2022 to be in charge of AI products that could destabilize democracies?
Director of Support
Not provide fast responses and resolutions or excellent customer service, but fast TIMES and SCORES. Goddamn.
Vice President, Customer Support
Ladies, Gentlemen, Undecided, and Robots, it's the Incredible... Shrinking... Compensation Package! So great that you can't see it! Incredible because it's beyond imagining! Embark with Apollo.io on a fascinating adventure into the unknown!
Vice President, Customer Care
You should do a general internet search for Therapy Brands. The results are...not good, particularly in light of the fuss they make about how awesome they are on their Careers page.
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Manager of Technical Support
It is galling – to say the least – to see Siena hiring human support for their product when they're happy enough for it to fuel an exaggerated AI craze that's led to a CX employment crisis everywhere else. The words irony and hypocrisy come to mind.
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Director of Support
I don't think they really know why they're hiring a Director of Support, which will likely make actually working in this role unpleasant, to say the least.
Customer Success Manager
I don't even know what this is supposed to mean, but you should NEVER EVER take on risk on behalf of the company employing you unless you're, like, a firefighter or something. Which this is very much not.
Client Success Manager
This one is reader-submitted, and y'all. We're whipping out "unclear if you're joining a cult or a company" for maybe the first time ever, and I HAVEN'T EVEN LOOKED AT A JOB LISTING YET.
Enterprise Customer Success Manager
Still as obnoxious as the other two listings on the job board.
Customer Experience Lead
Let's review: this is a lead role for managing multi-channel support agents, offering frontline support yourself, and executing duties that should be undertaken by a possibly fictional Director. For $20-$25 in Oakland, CA. Talk about some branding!
Director, Customer Support
How good are you at plastering on a smile while a middle-aged white dude is screaming at you?
Customer Support Specialist
I mean, I certainly dreamt of going to school for 4-6 years and earning a technical degree and THEN WORKING FOR ANOTHER 4+ YEARS to make $25 an hour for a company that won't even deign to give me a title that reflects the level of work I'm doing. WHERE DO I SIGN UP.
Vice President of Customer Success
See Finout's Senior Technical Support Engineer role for red flags so red they're bleeding into this job description, too.
